


Sunshower

by psjamas



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: 837th episode of a relative letting me down made me write this, Angst, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22390573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psjamas/pseuds/psjamas
Summary: How do I numb myself from this pain?You ask yourself this everyday since he broke up with you 2 weeks ago and today is no exception.
Relationships: Park Sungjin/Reader
Kudos: 17





	Sunshower

You are blocks away from your destination but you stop in your tracks when you notice a black Honda civic parked in front of the previous apartment you both shared. You were hoping you’d arrive earlier so you don’t bump into him. But in all actuality, you miss him so much you’d do anything just to get a glimpse of him. 

You stand there hesitating when the car door opens. You step back but he immediately turns his head to you as if he already saw you. 

“Hey.” Sungjin smiles and just like that, tears well up in your eyes again. 

_How do I numb myself from this pain?_

You ask yourself this everyday since he broke up with you 2 weeks ago and today is no exception.

_Sungjin and you barely talked to each other for almost a week before you broke up. After all those agonizing days you spent together, the first time you heard his voice again was when he’s calling your name with annoyance because you locked the car before he could get his stuff on the backseat._

_You heard him click his tongue as he walked past you and opens the front door to the apartment the both of you share. You can imagine a frown on his face and it hurt you. Tears well up on your eyes again and you ask yourself when are you going to stop crying over him when he’s being so mean. Now that you think about it, you’ve never seen Sungjin cry the past week. Nor did he ever look like he cried._

Am I the only one getting hurt by all of these?

Now for sure you know you aren’t the only one hurting. You look at him as he opens the backseat and brings out a duffle bag. He looks at you and gestures at the house. “Are you not coming?” You nod in response but you wait for him to start walking before you do. 

_August 13, the fifth night replays in your mind, you were in the bedroom scrolling through Instagram and you pass by Sungjin’s photo. It was posted 5 hours ago._ So he did go. _He was with his college friends and you notice his big smile._ Oh how much you miss his smile. _It’s one of the things about him that feels like home. Even now, seeing it through a photo, it feels like home. And you miss home._

_Tears started to well up in your eyes and you were about to wipe them when the door suddenly opens and you see Sungjin going straight to the closet. “I’m gonna sleep at home tonight.” He muttered while he gathers some of his clothes and into a backpack. You didn’t answer and in return, he gives you what you suppose is a glance but turned into a stare. He turns back to gathering more of his clothes and you heard him heave a deep sigh._

_“What are you crying for now?” You hesitated on whether to make up an excuse like you did before or tell the truth this time. He sounded annoyed and it made you want to cry more. “I miss you.” You mumbled in hopes that he wouldn’t hear it. He heaved another sigh and you see him shake his head too._

You calm yourself before entering the apartment you guys both shared for three long years. Sungjin drops his duffle bag on the couch and goes straight for the refrigerator. If the situation isn’t that you broke up and this might be the last time you both are seeing each other again, you would have laughed. He loves food and you loved bringing him to good restaurants and buying him food. When you met Sungjin, you finally knew how it feels like when they say ‘I feel full just looking at you eat.’ He never let you buy him food though, he always made sure it’s either he’s buying or you pay separately for your food. 

You slowly make your way to the tiny bookshelf you bought. All the books there are yours. Sungjin isn’t really fond of reading but he was always up with listening to you talk about a book you just finished. It is one of the reasons you fell in love with him. He listened. Always. 

All your life you were always the one who listened, the shock absorber, until you met Sungjin. Sure you had a few friends who would listen to your stories as well but, sometimes it gets to you. The overwhelming emotional impact of problems and thoughts of people important to you and you got your own problems too. At one point you started to unconsciously blame yourself for having it hard. You thought maybe it’s because you circled yourself with people who wouldn’t listen to you or maybe you made yourself always available. The truth slapped you when Sungjin told you it isn’t your fault for being there for others but it surely is your fault for blaming yourself instead. “Don’t make it harder for yourself by blaming yourself.” That’s what he said. 

And from then on, he was always there. You were doubting at first but he’s good at reading you like you’re an open book. He always knew when you’re not feeling it and would just be there by you and it felt unbelievably comforting. His presence. You can’t believe someone you have a great trust in has turned his back on you.

You start to have a heavy feeling in your chest. You wonder if you’ll ever trust anyone again after this. You wonder how long it’ll take you to get back up from this fall. 

“Hey. You want these?” 

Sungjin’s voice snaps you back from your saddening thoughts to reality. You look at him and he’s holding up a bag of Maltesers. It was both your favorite chocolate. You look at him and you notice his eyes narrowing at you.

 _Oh shit. Am I tearing up?_

You start to blink several times to check if there are tears. He shrugs and puts the bag of chocolate on the table. “You have it.” He simply says and goes back to rummaging through the fridge. “Thanks.”

You go back to getting all the books on the shelf. You are on the ninth book and you start to blame your past self for impulse buying on books and stacking them here. You brought only one backpack and it seems like the books will take up all the space but you still have a few clothes left to pack.

“Sungjin, do you have paper bags with you? I think I might need one.”

“I think I have some in my bag.” He points on the couch where his bag is. You take that as permission to open it. It’s almost empty with only two paper bags, a tumbler, and a guitar picks keychain inside it. You smile at the sight of it. It’s what you gave him for your 3rd anniversary which was 5 months ago. 

_Sungjin loves playing the guitar and he loved playing them to you sometimes when you feel down and mostly when the two of you are out sitting at the balcony at night, overlooking the city lights. He also has a beautiful singing voice which surprised you. One Saturday afternoon while sitting at the balcony, he asked you what your favorite song was at the moment and you told him it was Fix You by Coldplay. You watched him, his long fingers fumbling as they slide along the fretboard. You noticed the frown on his face as he focused on getting the right notes. He claimed he isn’t good at playing the guitar but you didn’t really mind. You enjoyed listening to him play it anyway._

_“When you try your best but you don’t succeed,” He started to sing. You must have looked shocked because he smirked for a tiny bit. His hoarse voice sounded like the pattering rain outside yet also warm like the last sun rays hitting the both of you just before it sets. He looked especially beautiful in that day’s golden hour. Now, you’re quite grateful sunshowers rarely happen so you wouldn’t have to remember the exact moment his whole existence engulfed you deeper, filling in this hole in your heart you always knew existed. And in an instant you were flooded with fear._ What if you leave?

You pick it up to examine every single guitar pick you put in it. You don’t hear Sungjin walking up to you so when he nudges your shoulder, you jump a bit.

“Oh. Sorry. I’ll take this.” You immediately drop the keychain back in his bag and pick up one of the paper bags instead. 

“I really like this.” He picks up the keychain, puts his index finger on the split ring, and his other fingers play with the picks. The corners of his lips lift up. He must really like my gift to smile with his teeth shown in this situation.

He looks at you and you hold eye contact. His eyes are such wonders. You look at them and you see galaxies instead of just pupils. “You wanna have it back?” The smile on his face disappears and he looks back at the keychain. 

You shake your head a bit. “It’s yours. I made it for you.” 

You try to catch his eyes, afraid to speak so you’re hoping your questions reach him through your eyes. But he doesn’t look at you.

“Can’t we try again?” You summoned every speck of courage in your body and bundled them up into a massive pile so you could say it. He finally looks at you. You’re almost sure you’re pleading. He purses his lips and runs his fingers through his hair. He takes a seat on the couch and you follow suit, leaving the duffel bag in between the two of you. You fiddle with the paper bag as you wait for him to talk.

“I’m sorry.” He says it with such softness and finality in his voice that made you feel worse. “I’m sorry, I just want to prioritize myself this time. I just feel so,” The heavy feeling spreads on your chest as he tries to find the right word. “Tired.” 

Tears well up in your eyes and you try to blink them away but they just roll down continuously. You don’t make any sounds but Sungjin looks at you. He puts his duffel bag on the floor and scooches beside you. He reaches for your hand. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes again but you shake your head. “No, don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing.” You can feel Sungjin’s eyes on you so you turn your head upwards in an attempt to stop the tears. Silence shrouds over the both of you. You look at Sungjin’s hand on top of yours. His thumb rubbing circles on it. Sungjin always does this whenever and anywhere as soon as his hand touches you. It doesn’t calm you down. With every circle, you feel worse and worse. Maybe this is how you’re supposed to feel like when you know it’s your fault. That you hurt yourself and the person you love the most. 

He stops rubbing circles on your hand and instead turns it over to intertwine your fingers with his. “I can’t take it anymore. You made me your whole world and it’s suffocating me. I love you. You know how much I love you but, I can’t let you forget yourself for me. You have so much in store for you and you will grow so much, even without me. I know that. I believe in you. I’m sorry that I can’t be here anymore to witness your growth. Just know that I am cheering for you, always. I believe in you. Okay?” He nudges your hand, the one he’s holding. You wonder how much time is left before he lets go. Forever.

He has the most genuine smile on his face right now and you’re somehow glad it’s the last memory of him you’ll have. Your mind is running about with thoughts you can’t put into words but your tears don’t fail you. Your grip on his hand tightens and he returns it, for a short bit. “You can do it.” You nod. Until the end, he’s cheering for you. God, you really don’t deserve such an amazing person but I’m thanking every lucky stars for having made us cross paths.

“Thank you.” You try your best to give him a smile. It’s hard to give someone assurance when you’re hurting. You just wish your smile looks nearly if not as equally as comforting as his. “And I’m sorry for hurting you. For everything.” You let go of his hand before you could even try to hold onto it longer. You can’t hurt him further anymore. 

“I’ll just get my clothes.” He stands up to go inside the bedroom. You wait until he gets inside the room before you collect your things. You don’t even bother to get the rest of your books on the shelf. 

As soon as you reach the stairs, a question starts to make its way forward again from the back of your head. 

_How do I numb myself from this pain?_


End file.
